Bah! Humbug! Ok maybe that's a bit to strong, to quote The Waitresses. I deal with this every year. October rolls around, and I start hearing "only XX days until Christmas." That's the precise moment I turn into the Grinch or as my many shirts show, Oscar the Grouch. Could I please get into November before I start hearing about the ever Holy Christmas?!
Please don't get me wrong. Christmas is a wonderful time of year for a lot of people. I haven't been a fan of Christmas since about 1979. Yes I turned to the dark side at an early age. Lots of thing molded what I am today. My grandfather passed at Christmas that year but that isn't the only factor. Since this was my Dad's father it deeply impacted my dad. When most people were having a joyful Christmas we were having a funeral. Every year after that, a funk would settle over the house the closer we got to "D" day. All the joy just got sucked out of the season. It does not help that stores go so overboard pushing their biggest sales of the year. This year it was Michael's craft store with Christmas trees up BEFORE Halloween. Yeah I walked out and never came back.
After I left home, I tried to make Christmas more eventful with little success. I'd buy a tiny tree, decorate my crappy little apartments and wait to feel that inner happiness, that glow that comes with the season. Nope. Nothing. Don't get me wrong I love getting things for other people. I couldn't care less if I got anything in return. It's not about getting something back.
Now I have my own children. I go through all the motions of a Happy Christmas. We go and cut our own tree. The kids get out the decorations and decorate the tree. I supervise. I have a millions boxes of decorations that go up. We shop together and I try not to swear at the crush of idiots I encounter. I smile at the joy they have. I still don't feel it. I figure at least they don't see that I'm missing it.
I find more joy in the every day things. A simple day with warm sun on my face and not a care to be found if even for an hour. I'm more of a Jimmy Buffet kinda girl. There is more joy to be had everyday of the year than can be crammed into one crazy season. A warm breeze, soft sand, and sparkling water. That's how I want to spend Christmas. I don't want to see a pine tree within a 100 miles. As soon as my kids get old enough I'm going to make it happen.
Ah yes there it is! That happy warm feeling! Looking toward a future with a drink in hand and sand between my toes. Merry Christmas!
